Oh dear... work has been quite stressful. Despite my best efforts to accomplish tasks and finish projects, things have still been out of my control and that frustrates the overachiever in me. Then I get depressed and feel like I'm in grad school again.
But instead of praying (which is what I really need to do), I let my stress and anxiety take over and I end up being more overwhelmed because I don't pray. Nasty cycle.
I read a fitting and timely article from Desiring God today about desperately needing God all the time. My thoughts: "Yeah, going to have more epic prayers!" While it was an encouraging read for me, I also felt a little guilty thinking about needy prayers.
This past weekend, my church talked about starting up devotional/prayer accountability pairs and we briefly went over the ACTS (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication) prayer method. One thing I remember from the discussion is that we should adore and thank God because prayer is not all about asking God for things. I don't disagree with that at all because 1.) God deserves it, 2.) it keeps our focus God-centered, and 3.) I have personally experienced how praising God in prayer draws me closer to Him.
So, is it selfish (and me-centered) if all I can do sometimes is unload my problems before God? It's not that I don't want to adore and thank God, it's just that sometimes my heart is so heavy that all I can do is cry out, "God I need help." Sometimes I wonder if I'm just using God. Maybe this is some sort of weird Christian guilt, kind of like "quiet time guilt." I'll call it... "thankless prayer time guilt."
While I do think that it is possible to be so disconnected from God that prayers become a mundane list of requests, I do believe that God is pleased when we plead to Him with a childlike trust in His sovereignty and power. This is something that a truly needy soul adores and is thankful for.
Still kind of struggling, but my hope (and prayer) is that I will always turn to God first, whether in sorrow or in joy. God is good not because He can give us things, but because He gives Himself to us, and that is what we need, desperately.